In IFS therapy, you will learn to identify and get to know your parts. As you start to notice the strategies that you tend to use the most often, you may begin to recognize parts as they come up for you. For example, instead of simply being overcome with anger and feeling out of control, you may be aware that an angry part is taking over. We get curious about the parts that are coming up again and again.
So, how do we do it? What actually happens in the therapy room?
You'll probably spend the first few minutes of the session touching base, and then your IFS therapist will guide you to "drop in," or turn your attention inward. Your therapist may invite you to close your eyes or take a soft gaze, get comfortable in your seat, and connect with your breathing. You may have decided ahead of time on a part to start with, or you may choose to start with whichever part shows up most strongly for you as you go inside.
Here's the Roadmap:
Notice
The first step is just to notice what is happening for you inside. Your therapist may ask you to pay attention to any strong feelings you are experiencing, and notice whether there are physical sensations, words, images, or memories that go along with it.
Unblend
The next step is to just realize that you are bigger than this feeling- it does not encompass all of who you are. Unblending creates space for the feeling to be present with you, without seeing through the lens of only that feeling.
Feel Toward
As you are noticing what is happening inside of you and allowing it to be present, your therapist will probably ask you how you are feeling toward the part of you holding that emotion or sensation.
A note: It's common to feel annoyed, frustrated, or otherwise fed up toward your own experience at this point (ie. I'm so sick of feeling this way). Your therapist will help you continue to unblend, until you can feel a sense of openness toward that part.
Be With
Once you feel open-hearted toward the part you are working with, your therapist will guide you to spend some time here, just letting that part experience your presence, and sense your compassion and curiosity.
Understand
Your open presence and curiosity invite a response from somewhere inside of you. You may start to get a sense of why this part of you feels so passionately about doing what it does. You might find that this part has been trying to protect you, in its own way, for a very long time. You'll learn about its hopes for you, and what it fears could happen if it stopped doing its thing.
Appreciate
Expressing appreciation towards this part for it's hard work and positive intention goes a long way toward building trust in your internal system.
You may spend quite a bit of time working with your protective system in this way, building enough trust for your protectors to allow you to go to the vulnerable parts they have been protecting. A responsible therapist is never going to push past your protectors, and will spend as much time here as needed. You ALWAYS have the option to slow down or stop if it feels like things are moving too quickly.
Going Deeper
Once you are rooted in a sense of compassion and curiosity, and your protective parts are on board, it's time to go deeper.
A note: Visiting painful memories can be difficult. The therapist will take a lot of precautions here to ensure that you feel safe, and don't become overwhelmed. It's also normal for protective parts to get nervous and step in, and your therapist will help your system to open enough space inside to do the work.
Connect
You will bring all that compassion and curiousity to the part(s) of you that hold pain from the past. You'll pause here, and really let the part feel your presence; build a connection that feels safe, and warm, and strong.
Compassionate Witness
The goal here is for your young, vulnerable, hurting part to feel fully seen and understood by you. You will invite the part to share with you anything it wants you to know about its past, including emotions, scenes, beliefs, and sensations.
A note: You may or. may not choose to share with your therapist what you learn here. There is some safety in knowing that you don't actually have to speak the story aloud in order for healing to happen.
Unburden
Once the part feels fully understood, the real magic happens. You can visualize the experience going differently, if you choose to. If the part has been stuck in a time or place in the past, you can invite it into a place of its choosing: tucked into your heart, a cozy room, a playground, a place in nature, etc. Then you can invite the part to release any pain, beliefs, or emotions (burdens) that it needs to, and invite back in the natural qualities that have been covered over by the burden.
Integrate
You may feel a physical sense of lightness after an unburdening. The protectors that have been organized around the pain will be free to take on other roles. This is an amazing internal shift, and is the ultimate goal of IFS therapy.
IFS therapy is deep work: doing healing rather than just talking about the wounds. It's an internal journey that can be tender at times, but also incredibly beautiful. If you want this kind of healing, reach out.
Want to read more? Here's a really great first-hand account of what IFS therapy is like.
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