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What on earth is IFS, anyway? IFS Explained.

Writer's picture: Melanie GreenMelanie Green


Imagine for a moment that every person, including you, has a core "self," as well as a system of parts (aspects of our personality) that make up who we are. That's IFS in a nutshell.


Let's dig in a bit deeper.


IFS (Internal Family Systems) is an evidence-based therapy approach that integrates systems theory, inner child work, psychodynamics, somatics, and mindfulness. It is strength-based and client-centered, grounded in the belief that every person has within themselves the capacity to heal: the client drives the healing process, with the therapist as a guide.


IFS is inherently non-blaming, and holds that every part of you has a valuable role in your system, and a positive intention for you. So, even parts that are causing difficulty are usually trying to protect you from pain, either through careful management of your life, or through (sometimes drastic) action to put out the fires of intense emotions when they erupt. In IFS therapy, instead of aiming to shut down or silence these parts, they are approached with curiosity.



People have a beautiful complexity.


I believe you, as a fellow human being, have inherent dignity and worth. This is part of what draws me to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, which shares this important belief: every human person, at their core, is capable of experiencing compassion, being curious about themselves and the world around them, and connecting with themselves and others (learn more about the 8 C's and 5 P's of IFS here). In IFS, this inner core of who you are is called "Self."


I also believe that human beings are complex. The way that I might show up for a work event is different than the way that I might show up for a family gathering, which is still different than the way I might show up for a night out with friends; there are many aspects to our rich and dynamic personalities. Most of us wear many different hats: I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a therapist, a friend, a colleague. I am a list-maker and goal-setter, and also a professional procrastinator.


We can, and often do, have conflicting ideas and feelings at the same time. I want to get up early to stretch and pray, and I also want to sleep in as long as possible. I am both energized by writing, and terrified to be so vulnerably seen. IFS provides a way of thinking about and making sense of this inner experience.


What is a part?


Ok, story time. It's a random Tuesday night. The kids are finally in bed, and my husband and I are chatting. He interrupts me, and I am suddenly, irrationally, extremely angry. What happened?


The language of parts gives us a way of understanding, talking about, and relating to experiences and behaviors that otherwise might not make sense. Feeling conflicted about a decision? Part of you votes yes; part of you votes no. Have a goal, but you keep getting in your own way? Ever felt annoyed at yourself? Yeah, that's parts at work. In the above example, my husband's interruption triggered a part of me that questions whether my voice matters; and another part of me got angry in response, which saved me from having to sit with that tender question.


Painful experiences, both big and small, can cause vulnerable parts of ourselves to become burdened by painful emotions or beliefs. Other parts step in to protect us from having to feel the pain: either by carefully preventing anything from triggering the pain, or, when that doesn't work, by distracting from or numbing the pain. (Learn more about the different categories of parts here.)


Hence, our entire internal system can organize around these painful emotions and beliefs. Each part adopts a strategy that it believes is the best one for protecting us from pain (and may not like other parts and their strategies). When we get triggered, a part may "take over" the system, sometimes causing us to say or do something we might later regret.


Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS, imagined these different parts as being like little people, often children, with their own ideas, beliefs, and strategies for helping you get along in the world: like an internal family (hence the name). These young parts are often not aware of your core self: it's like a bunch of kids running around, doing their best to keep you afloat with their limited knowledge and experience.


The assumptions of IFS may seem strange at first, but what would happen if we approached our own worry with the kindness we might show to a worried child?



In IFS, we want to nurture these inner children. Psychiatrist Ann Hallward puts it beautifully:

"My higher self is basically a parent to all these children, baring witness and validating. She's a sturdy leader to their chaos, a loving tender voice to calm them, and a guiding hand that gives them what they never got from their parents."

When we are blended with a part, all we feel and see is the reality of that part. When we can turn towards our own experience (physical sensations, words, images, impulses, etc.) and recognize that it's a part of our lived reality, not all of who we are, it creates space. That space empowers us to be with our experience instead of becoming it, allowing it to inform our decisions instead of hijacking our system.


Powerful Healing


IFS is gentle, respectful, and collaborative: a process of opening space for you to be with your experience as a compassionate witness. It's a different way of thinking about ourselves, and about others. IFS isn't about managing symptoms or building skills. It's about life-changing transformation: healing deep wounds in a real, felt way; gaining the freedom to be all of who you are; and navigating life's ups and downs from a place of self-trust. If this sounds like something you want, let me know.

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