If Self is good, are parts bad?
When first learning about IFS with a therapist in NH, people often wonder: do I have to be “in Self” all the time? The answer is simple: of course not!
It would be unreasonable and undesirable to be without our parts. Our parts make us who we are, and our parts bring tremendous value to our lives. In IFS therapy in Rochester, NH, we are NOT trying to get rid of any part of who you are. We are, however, aiming to release parts from the extreme roles they were forced into.
When we are fully blended with a part, we experience the world as the part does: we see through its eyes, feel what it feels, and believe what it believes. When we are unblended, we bring the larger perspective and calm of the Self. We can be aware of multiple parts with various thoughts and viewpoints, hear from all of them, and make an informed decision based on what’s best for the whole system. This space allows us to respond, rather than react.
Continuum of Self and Consciousness, from Cece Sykes, LCSW (from the L1 IFS manual)
Blending is not all or nothing, but instead happens on a spectrum. At one end is a part completely hijacking or flooding your system. In the middle, a part could be taking over, but you are aware of it; you notice that the part is present, and maybe even understand why it feels activated. At the other end, the goal is not actually pure Self-energy, but Self-leadership. When Self is in the lead, all of your parts have a voice, and are valued. Self can speak for parts, rather than from them.
Parts make us human. Emotion, talents, skill and passion all come from parts. I truly believe that when they are released from the burdens they are carrying, each part adds something irreplaceable to your system. Parts become valued advisors and team members, and you can call upon them to do what they do best.
Parts are amazing, are good at what they do, and make you unique. However, it’s not always helpful when they make decisions unilaterally. The goal is to heal enough to unlock parts from their extreme roles, and for Self to take the lead and make decisions for the good of the whole system, taking everyone into account. This leads to greater inner harmony, clarity, and peace.
If you’ve been looking for a therapist in Rochester, NH, I would love to help you discover the true value of all the parts of who you are. Schedule a consult today.
