What to Do Between IFS Therapy Sessions: Practices that Deepen Your Healing
When you begin IFS work with a therapist in Rochester, NH, you are building a new relationship with yourself. The more time you spend nurturing your system, the deeper your new connection becomes.
While I don’t usually give “homework,” many clients find that gentle practices between sessions can help parts feel seen, supported, and more connected to Self. Here are a few ways to tend to your system between sessions:
What does your system need right now?
Meditation: Listening Instead of Letting Go
You might already have a meditation practice, or maybe this is new for you. Meditation aligns really well with IFS: you are creating intentional time and space to turn your attention inward, and notice your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice opens up space inside for what in IFS we call your “Self” or Self-energy. However, IFS meditation differs slightly from other meditation practices. While the goal of meditation is sometimes to clear your mind of thoughts, during IFS meditation we get curious about them instead. Rather than a passive observer, in IFS we understand your “Self” as an active leader in your system. We assume that thoughts and sensations have good reasons for being there; therefore, we don’t treat them as distractions, we explore why they are coming up now, and what they are trying to tell us.
I invite you to take five minutes to sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, and notice what is coming up in your mind, heart, and body. You might ask:
Which parts are here right now?
How do I notice them in my body, and in my thoughts?
What do they need me to know?
What do they need from me in this moment?
It can feel a bit strange at first to welcome all of the different voices inside as valued members of your inner system. Unlike some mindfulness approaches that suggest letting thoughts float by like clouds, IFS invites you to turn toward those thoughts. When thoughts or sensations draw our attention during meditation, we think of them as parts wanting to be heard. So rather than striving for stillness and ignoring them, you might gently say, “Hi. I see you. I’m here. What do you want me to know?” I like to imagine an inner living room, where all parts are welcome. Karen Faith, founder of Others Unlimited, in her TED talk on “How to talk to the worst parts of yourself” half-jokingly says this:
“No kidding, I start every morning meditation with the same opener I use as a focus group moderator: Thanks, everyone, for being here. Your input is valued. I'm gonna hear from each of you, I'll give you all the chance to speak. Just do your best to be completely present, honest, and try to make any requests reasonable.”
Meditation becomes less about escaping your inner world, and more about being in compassionate relationship with it.
Taking even a few moments to intentionally notice and welcome all parts of you can be incredibly powerful, especially when you take the time to check in with parts you are getting to know in session. If checking in on your own feels overwhelming, I created a short, 5-minute guided meditation to support you in checking in with your parts. It’s gentle, grounding, and a great way to begin or end your day.
Journaling: Give your Parts the Pen
While it’s not for everyone, some people find journaling to be a powerful practice between sessions. Some clients create a dedicated “parts journal” to take notes after sessions, track what comes up for them between sessions, and dialogue with parts. Others just jot things down in their Notes app.
Try starting with:
What parts showed up in today’s session?
What parts have been loud lately?
Have I noticed any emotional shifts?
When do I feel most connected to curiosity, compassion, connection, creativity, calm, clarity, courage or confidence?
Tracking what parts show up consistently and how you notice them (How do you imagine them? Is there a color or image? Certain words? A specific sensation in your body?) can help you create a “parts map,” and begin to understand the parts of you that work the hardest, and which parts of you may need attention.
You can also go deeper with a dialogue exercise:
Pick a colored pen and invite a part to speak. “Give” the pen to that part and let it write in its own voice anything it wants you to know. Give it free reign on the page to be as bold as it would like.
Then, in a different color, respond with curiosity and compassion.
Repeat with any part that wants your attention.
This simple act of giving your parts a voice through writing can help your parts feel heard, respected, and connected to you. Responding intentionally and with kindness helps you unblend from the part, and connect to your Self energy.
Checking In with a Part: Building Trust
As we are getting to know parts, sometimes I’ll encourage you to set an intention to connect with a part between sessions. The part might have it’s own ideas about how it would like you to do this. It could be something as simple as:
Placing your hand on your heart when you notice the part coming up for you.
Choosing a special object, or even a screen saver on your phone, to represent your connection
Setting a daily reminder to follow through on your promise
Often parts of us have felt neglected (or actively suppressed) for a long time, and showing up for them feels new. Being true to your word by following through and connecting with the part helps to build trust in your system.
Noticing: The Simplest and Most Powerful Practice
If you do nothing else, start by simply noticing:
What am I saying to myself right now?
What sensations show up when I feel activated?
What do I reach for to soothe myself?
Which parts tend to come online in familiar situations?
This mindful noticing, without judgment, can build incredible awareness, and is the first step toward unblending.
If you’re interested in more IFS-specific resources, check out my blog on Solo IFS practices.
A Few Gentle Reminders
However you decide to practice IFS between sessions, remember: it’s about listening to your system. Some weeks, your parts may want daily connection. Other weeks, simply being aware of their presence is enough.
A few guiding principles:
Don’t force it. If a practice feels burdensome, pause.
Follow your curiosity. If a part wants your attention, be with it.
Notice shifts. Maybe something that used to trigger you doesn’t anymore. Celebrate that!
The goal is to stay in relationship with yourself, gently and consistently.
As a therapist in Rochester, NH who specializes in IFS, I encourage you to take these practices at your own pace. I’ll be here to help you connect the dots, deepen the work, and stay in relationship with your Self and your system.
Ready to Deepen Your Connection to Your Self?
If you’ve been longing to better understand your internal world, I’d love to connect.
Many clients find that working with an IFS therapist in Rochester, NH helps them feel more empowered in their day-to-day lives. You’ll notice the work we do in session spilling out into the rest of your life.
If that sounds like something you want, let’s talk. I offer a free 15-minute consultation to explore whether IFS feels like the right next step for you.
