Your IFS Journey: Self-care Before, During, and After Therapy in Rochester, NH
Simple self-care practices to enhance your healing.
So, you’ve decided to start Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Maybe you’re new to therapy; maybe you’ve been in talk therapy for years, but are looking for deeper healing. IFS invites you to meet yourself in a new way; one that understands that even the habits that drive you crazy are rooted in something real, and deserve empathy and care.
As a therapist in Rochester, NH, I often hear clients say that IFS feels different from any therapy they’ve tried before. The experience is more like guided meditation than rehashing your week. It’s not really about venting, learning tools, or getting advice. IFS therapy helps you understand the different parts of you that have helped you survive, and ultimately heal what’s underneath.
IFS therapy is a deep experience, and it can be emotionally tender. Although it’s perfectly fine to come as you are (your therapist will help you settle into the space), there are ways that you can support your system before, during, and after an IFS session. If you’ve ever wondered whether there are things you can do along the way to enhance your IFS experience, this guide is for you.
TL;DR: Curious about how to get the most out of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy? This guide walks you through practical ways to support your system before, during, and after your sessions. Whether you’re just starting or already deep into the work, you’ll find suggestions to help you feel more grounded and cared for throughout your IFS journey.
If you want to go deeper, you might also like:
Before Your Session: Slowing Down and Preparing Your Space
When you begin working with an IFS therapist in Rochester, NH, taking a few minutes to transition from the busy-ness of life to a space of stillness and inquiry can be impactful. Being intentional about setting aside this time for yourself can help your system feel safe and ready to settle into the work.
Grounding Before You Arrive
Lighting a candle can create a calming space.
Before your IFS session, you might give yourself the gift of a few quiet moments. If you are coming to the office for your session, this might mean arriving a few minutes early, giving yourself enough space to feel unhurried as you make your way to session. If you’re joining via telehealth, be intentional about creating a comfortable, private, distraction-free space. Some clients like to take a few deep breaths, make a cup of tea, or spend a quiet moment outside before session. Others tidy their space or light a candle to mark the transition into therapy time.
Before your IFS session, you might begin to think about how you’d like to spend the time. Notice what’s been most present or challenging lately. You might ask: What part of me most needs attention right now? or What’s been especially loud inside? It could be that we’ve been working with a particular part or set of parts, and we pick up where we left off last session. Or, it could be that a different part came up for you that needs attention. See what you feel curious about.
In my post on how to prepare for your IFS session, I share a few grounding practices that clients often find helpful, from setting up a calm environment to inviting curiosity toward any parts that feel nervous about therapy. These practices can help your system settle in, and begin the slowing down necessary in order to turn your focus inward.
It’s Okay to Feel Uncertain
It’s completely normal to have mixed feelings before your session. Many people bring parts that are hopeful, others that are skeptical, and some that are flat-out scared. You don’t have to push those feelings away; they belong in the room, too. IFS therapy is designed to meet every part of you exactly where it is. You’ll simply begin noticing what’s happening inside, with support and guidance.
You may find your parts getting activated prior to session, knowing we’ll be digging deep. It makes sense. Your protectors may have been working for years to keep the pain that you carry well contained; now, suddenly, we’re turning towards the pain. Of course protectors will be wary. A really important part of the process is building enough connection and trust with your protectors that they’ll feel comfortable allowing you to go to the vulnerable places. We’ll move slowly, and address concerns along the way. Protectors are doing their jobs, and we respect them too much to push past them; we’ll proceed once we have a sense of permission to do so.
During the Session: Spending Time With Your Parts
Sometimes parts show up to therapy that want to get it right, or fear getting it wrong. Here’s the cool thing: all parts really are welcome! As we navigate your system, responding authentically gives the best results; even if what comes up inside is not what you expected, an honest response lets us know what parts are present, and helps guide our next steps.
IFS sessions are often described as surprisingly gentle, and surprisingly deep. We slow things down and explore what’s happening inside your inner world with openness and care.
What Happens in an IFS Session
An IFS session might begin with a brief check-in before we turn our attention inward: noticing sensations in your body, feelings that are present, or thoughts that stand out. From there, we follow your internal experience together. You may be surprised by the direction the session takes! Your system holds a lot of wisdom, and it’s amazing what can unfold when you bring softness to parts that have been desperate for your attention.
You’ll begin to get to know your own inner cast of characters, and we’ll approach each of these parts with curiosity rather than judgment. We ask questions like: What is this part trying to do for me? and What is it afraid would happen if it didn’t do its job? When we slow down and listen, we begin to understand where those behaviors came from and why they’ve been so persistent. As an IFS therapist, I truly hold the belief that every part of you has a positive intention, and wouldn’t be doing what it does without a very good reason.
Often, clients find this process intuitive once they begin. With time, you’ll begin to recognize the ways your internal system organizes itself. Some parts jump in quickly. Others operate in the background. Some are vocal. Others communicate through body sensations, imagery, or memories. Learning the language of your system takes practice, curiosity, and a willingness to suspend disbelief. The more you listen, the more your parts learn to trust that you’re really there, and really care about them. In my blog “I’ve Started with an IFS Therapist in Rochester, NH, and Now I See Parts Everywhere,” I talk about how this shift in perspective can transform how you see yourself and others. Once you start recognizing parts, crazy behaviors and conflicting ideas begin to make all kinds of sense. When you find yourself reacting in a way that seems too big, you’ll realize: this reaction is from a part of me, and is because something deep inside hurts.
The Role of Self-Energy
IFS is unique because it assumes that beneath all your parts, beneath the chaos of all the voices competing for your attention, there’s a calm, compassionate core called Self. In session, your therapist will help you access that Self-energy so you can lead your inner system from a place of balance and care. You see, the primary healing relationship in IFS therapy is not between you and your therapist! It’s between you and your parts.
Self isn’t something you have to create; it’s who you already are. As you get to know your parts and create space inside, Self-energy naturally emerges. The more you work with your system, the easier it becomes to respond to your inner world with compassion rather than reactivity. It is from a place of Self-energy that the deep, transformational healing can happen.
We’re not just about understanding the reasons you do what you do. If you’ve been in therapy before, you probably already understand that your behavior is rooted in your past. In IFS, we go much farther than that. With your protectors on board and grounded in Self-energy, we go to the parts that hold the most pain. Witness them. Bring them out from the stuck places, and help them release the burdens they’ve been carrying. This is where the magic is. After an unburdening, people describe feeling physically lighter, like something has truly shifted. They respond differently; situations that would normally trigger them don't seem as charged. When the pain is lifted, your protectors can relax. They can take on new roles. We heal the root of the issue, and the symptoms ease on their own.
Aftercare and Integration: Giving Your System Time to Settle
Taking a walk after session can help you process.
Because IFS goes beyond surface-level talk therapy, sessions can sometimes feel surprisingly intense. You’re making contact with emotions and parts that may not have had space to be heard before. You’re opening the box where all of your trauma has been kept with lock and key, and slowly witnessing your own pain. It’s normal to feel a bit drained after session.
In my post on caring for yourself after an IFS therapy session, I offer gentle suggestions for how to give your system a soft place to land. Here are a few highlights:
Slow down. If possible, carve out 15–30 minutes after session just to breathe, journal, or take a walk. Don’t check your social media feed right away. Leave the radio off during the car ride home. Even 5 minutes can ease the transition back to everyday life.
Journal or reflect. Reflect on the experience. You might sketch a part as you imagined it, or write about how you noticed it, any insights you gained, and places you’d like to explore further. Over time, this also gives you a place to reflect on how your relationship with your parts has shifted.
Move gently. Go outside, stretch, or dance to a favorite song. One aspect of IFS therapy is about becoming aware of how parts are expressed through your body, and you might be surprised to notice tension in your chest, a pit in your stomach, or even a headache as we connect with parts. Moving in a way that feels good can help you release whatever came up during the session.
Be kind to yourself. This work is courageous. Treat yourself gently. Drink water. If a part of you expressed a need during session, do your best to carve out the time to meet that need. Give yourself grace for being human, for feeling deeply, and honor the steps you are taking towards healing.
Your session is an invitation inward. Whenever possible, give yourself a little bit of time afterward before diving back into your to-do list. Sometimes clients say that ending a session feels like coming out of a trance, or emerging from a deep meditation. Creating space for yourself after session to pause and reflect can ease the transition back to the demands of the world, and can be exactly what your system needs.
Between Sessions: Deepening the Work
IFS therapy doesn’t end when the session does. In many ways, IFS is a perspective shift that permeates everything you do. It’s a different way of relating to yourself, and understanding human behavior. Between sessions, you have the opportunity to strengthen relationships with your parts and lean into your Self-energy.
In my blog on what to do between IFS sessions, I share several ways clients nurture their systems between sessions. Let’s look at some of those ideas.
Simple Practices That Support Your System
Click the image for a guided meditation with Melanie, an IFS therapist in Rochester, NH
1. Meditation: Listening Instead of Letting Go
IFS meditation isn’t about clearing your mind; it’s about listening inward. When thoughts or sensations arise, rather than pushing them away, you might gently say, “Hi, I see you. What do you want me to know?”
This kind of mindful curiosity helps you stay connected to your inner world without judgment. Even five minutes of intentional checking-in can help your parts feel seen and supported.
2. Journaling: Giving Your Parts the Pen
Writing can be a powerful way to connect with parts between sessions. Some clients create a “parts journal,” where they record which parts appeared, what they said, and how they felt. You might even try writing from a part: allowing a part of you to fully express whatever it needs to, and then responding with compassion.
3. Checking In and Building Trust
If a part came up in session that needs ongoing care, set an intention to connect with it. You might place a hand on your heart when it shows up, choose an object that symbolizes your connection, or set a reminder to check in. These small acts of consistency build trust within your system.
4. Simply Noticing
If nothing else, just notice. Notice what you say to yourself, how your body feels, and what patterns arise. How are you beginning to notice your parts showing up in your day to day life? Were you more aware of the dance of your parts? Awareness is powerful, and begins to shift the way you relate to yourself, and to others.
Let Curiosity Lead
Every moment of noticing, even if it’s just a breath, deepens your relationship with yourself. If your parts resist these practices, that’s information, too. You can bring those parts into session; they have wisdom to share about what feels safe and supportive, and what doesn’t.
IFS is a relationship-building process between you and your parts. The more gently you attend to those relationships, the more your internal system begins to trust that real change is possible.
Your Ongoing Journey with IFS Therapy in Rochester, NH
IFS therapy is not about fixing what’s broken. It’s about understanding what’s been protecting you, and creating space for healing where there was once only survival.
As you progress in your IFS journey, you may find yourself seeing parts everywhere: in yourself, in your relationships, and in the world around you. When you understand that every behavior has a story behind it, you begin to move through the world with more grace and less reactivity.
Each session deepens your connection to your Self. Over time, the parts that once felt overwhelming begin to relax. Your inner critic softens. Your anxious parts learn to trust that they don’t have to run the show. Your calm, compassionate core can lead more often, with your parts as valuable advisors.
If you still feel uncertain about the process, or want a more in-depth look at what IFS is and how it works, you might be interested in my blog series What on earth is IFS, anyway? IFS Explained.
A Gentle Path Inward
Internal Family Systems therapy invites you into a new kind of relationship with yourself, built on compassion, trust, and the belief that every part of you has a reason for being there. It’s a journey, and being intentional about preparing your space before session, tending to your system afterward, and nurturing your new inner connections between sessions can go a long way.
As you continue along your path, you may begin to notice more spaciousness, more softness, and more understanding. Parts that once felt overwhelming begin to feel less charged. You may even feel a sense of lightness, and feel more present and less tired as you move through your day.
IFS isn’t a quick fix, it’s a deep unfolding that takes patience, gentle persistence, and lots of compassion. It’s deep work, and yes, we turn towards the painful places you’ve kept long hidden. I hope this guide gives you some ideas for how to care for yourself before, during, and after your IFS sessions.
Melanie is an IFS therapist who helps high functioning adults heal from the impact of childhood trauma and reconnect with their inner sense of calm and self leadership. Her work blends depth, warmth, and curiosity to support clients in developing compassionate relationships with all parts of themselves.
Specialties include IFS therapy, childhood trauma healing, and helping people get unstuck. For more about Melanie and how she works, click here.
