wood slices with many faces representing many parts when beginning IFS with a therapist NH

If you’re exploring therapy and have stumbled across Internal Family Systems (IFS), you might be feeling curious, or unsure about what it even is. You’ve heard it works well for trauma, that it’s a little different. It sounds a little “out there,” but you’re intrigued. Maybe you’ve been in therapy, but it hasn’t really shifted things the way you’d hoped. Maybe you know someone who’s doing “parts therapy,” and they really seem to like it. Maybe you’ve even seen it mentioned online, as it has exploded in popularity. You’d like to learn more, and see what all the fuss is about.

IFS therapy offers something different: a way of turning inward that’s compassionate, empowering, and grounded in the belief that every part of you matters. It’s a map: a clear path towards the kind of healing that actually translates into relief in your day to day life.

In this guide, you’ll learn what IFS therapy is, and what it’s like to work with an IFS therapist in Rochester, NH. You’ll learn how to decide whether IFS therapy could be a good fit for you, and how you can begin exploring this work, either on your own or with a therapist. And you’ll learn a little about my practice.

TL;DR: Curious about IFS; what it is, how it works, and whether it’s right for you? This guide walks you through the basics of IFS, how the experience of IFS therapy is different, how to decide whether it’s right for you, and how to begin exploring it. If you want to explore these topics in a deeper way, you might love:

Internal Family What Now?

humans are beautifully complex from the perspective of a therapist NH

All of us have different aspects of who we are, and different ways that we show up in the world. The way you show up at work might be different than the way you show up at home, which may be different than the way you show up when you visit your parents. IFS is based on the idea that we all have different “parts” of ourselves (our internal family), and that beneath all of those parts is a grounded, calm, compassionate core called the Self.

Even though our society holds the traditional view of a single, unified self, our lived reality is more complex than that. Part of me wants to eat kale salads, but another part wants to eat pumpkin pie. One part wants to get up early, another part wants to stay in bed. We’ve all experienced it: the internal disagreements, the push and pull of different parts of ourselves. These internal dynamics can be confusing, especially when we don’t have language for them.

IFS offers a way to make sense of this. It’s a way of understanding human behavior, getting to know yourself in a deeper way, and bringing more harmony to your system.

When we get hurt, our system organizes around the pain. The vulnerable parts that are wounded get pushed into the background, and protective parts work really hard either to prevent the hurt from coming up, or quickly squash it if it does. If you want to know more about how we conceptualize the different kinds of parts and their roles in your system, you might be interested in A Guide to Your Internal Family System: Managers, Firefighters, Exiles and Self (coming soon).

Parts might include an ambitious, hard-working part that fears slowing down; a part that scans for danger and warns you about worst-case scenarios; or a part that shuts you down when you feel overwhelmed. These parts carry deep wisdom, and are working hard to manage the pain you’ve carried for years.

In IFS therapy, you’ll learn to turn toward these parts with curiosity instead of judgment. When you learn to recognize who’s driving the bus in a given moment, you start to reclaim choice. Even the habits that drive you crazy have a positive intention behind them. When we slow down and listen to these parts, they often soften. With support, they begin to trust that it’s safe to allow you to the deepest, darkest places inside, so you can help your most vulnerable parts release what they’ve been holding.

For a more in-depth look at IFS and what it is, you might like: What on Earth Is IFS, Anyway? IFS Explained.

Are you saying I’m crazy?

Ok, I realize all this can seem a bit wild at first. A whole internal family of parts, each with their own beliefs, intentions, and actions? People sometimes wonder: are you saying I have multiple personality disorder? The answer is no. From the perspective of an IFS therapist, multiplicity is NORMAL. More than that, it is beautiful, and adaptive. Having multiple parts means we have the capacity to entertain multiple points of view, carry multiple strenghts, and hold many emotions. It makes us interesting. It makes us human.

People sometimes fear their parts. They’ve experienced feeling completely flooded with despair, or having an angry part take over so suddenly and completely that afterward, they wonder, what have I done? Or, they may be irritated with themselves for being so capable one moment and so unmotivated the next. They fear that if we slow down and spend time with the part holding the despair, or the part holding the anger, that that part will take control and they won’t be able to find their way back.

The fear is valid; they have lived experience of parts taking over in ways that feel scary, and other parts work really hard to keep these parts contained. They’ve spent years building a box solid enough to hold them, and pushing them back when they escape. Now, we’re asking them politely if we could please open the box and get to know the parts that are inside. They think we’re crazy!

Here’s the thing. Spending time with a part that’s already inside of you doesn’t give it any more power than it already has. In fact, it often has the opposite effect. If a part has been SCREAMING to get your attention, and then experiences feeling truly seen and understood by you, it can create a shift: it doesn’t have to be so loud anymore to make its voice heard.

What is it Like to Experience an IFS Session?

IFS sessions tend to feel different from what many people expect. You don’t have to recite the events of your week, and it’s not about venting, getting advice, or even getting an outside perspective. Instead, sessions are often quiet, spacious, and deeply attuned to your internal world.

You’ll begin by checking in with your therapist; anything that came up for you during the week is a “trailhead,” or an indication of a part or parts that could use some attention and care. Then, your therapist will invite you to turn your attention inward. She’ll gently guide you to notice your breathe, your body, and any thoughts, feelings, or sensations that are present. Over time, you’ll learn to notice how different parts of you show up, and meet them with openness, curiosity and compassion.

It may feel strange at first to ask a question inside, and wait for a response rather than “thinking” of an answer. I’ve heard people say that it’s an extreme kind of honesty, to connect inside so directly and hear from parts in such an unfiltered way. In IFS therapy, you’re not telling the story of what happened to you, or analyzing the ways that your past has impacted your feelings and behavior, but truly connecting inside.

When you first begin IFS therapy, it’s normal to wonder: am I making it all up? Can I trust what I’m hearing inside? Parts may show up with images, sensations, or words that feel surprising, and you may wonder if you’re just imaging it all. One of my favorite responses to this concern is the famous line from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, spoken by Albus Dumbledore to Harry:

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

In IFS, we trust that what comes up carries meaning. Even if it’s symbolic or abstract, it often reveals something important about how a part of you feels, what it believes, or what it needs. Honestly. If you suddenly start thinking of your grocery list or what you need to do later, it could mean a part is trying to distract you from going any deeper. If you can’t think of much of anything and feel like you’re in a fog, let’s get curious about the fog. If it’s showing up, it’s real enough to matter.

By consistently and gently connecting with your parts, you begin to build trust with your internal system. Parts sometimes worry that once you heal, they won’t be needed anymore. This couldn’t be farther from the truth! Healing allows parts to transform, to choose a role that they’d prefer rather than one they were forced into. With permission from your protectors, you’ll eventually connect with the parts that hold the deepest pain, and help them release it in a process called unburdening. For a detailed, step-by-step breakdown of the process of IFS, check out: What Actually Happens When You Work with an IFS Therapist in Rochester, NH.

The goal of IFS therapy is deep healing, rather than symptom management. It’s a powerful, deep way to meet your system and bring the kind of change that makes you feel lighter, less tired and more present in your day to day life.

Is IFS Therapy Right for Me?

IFS therapy is especially impactful for people who have been searching for healing, but have only found suggestions for how to keep their feelings and behaviors in check. If you’ve talked through your childhood, understand the impact of your past, and know all the mental health life-hacks, but nothing is changing, IFS may offer the missing piece.

IFS works well for:

Adults who are high-functioning but quietly struggling
People with a history of people-pleasing, perfectionism, or numbing out
People who find themselves vigilantly watching for danger, despite a picture-perfect life
Anyone who feels disconnected from their own needs, voice, or sense of peace

That said, IFS isn’t for everyone. It may not be the right fit if:

You’re currently in an unsafe or unstable environment
You’re looking primarily for tools, techniques, or advice
You’re not ready or interested in exploring your inner world

IFS is deep work. It takes courage to turn towards the pain, to allow yourself to unbury the past, and to learn to trust yourself in the process. It’s not a quick fix, but it’s often a life-changing one. If you still need help to discern whether IFS therapy might be a good next step for you, read: How Do I Know If Working with an IFS Therapist in Rochester, NH Is Right for Me?

Can I Explore IFS On My Own?

Absolutely. One of the most powerful things about IFS is that it’s not limited to the therapy room. In many ways IFS is more a paradigm shift than a therapy model. Many people begin their journey on their own before starting therapy, or spend time deepening their IFS journey between sessions. There’s a wealth of resources available to learn about, explore, and deepen into IFS through books, podcasts, guided meditations, journaling, or simply making it a practice to listen inward with curiosity.

Some ways to explore IFS on your own include:

Learning: Read or listen to IFS-informed resources to understand the model
Connecting: Use meditation, journaling, or parts-mapping to meet your system
Expressing: Let parts speak through art, writing, or movement
Centering: Spend time in spaces that invite Self-energy, through nature, creativity, or stillness

While you can begin to build a relationship with your parts independently, and continue to nurture your relationship with yourself throughout your life, the process of healing wounded parts (unburdening) should be guided by a trained IFS therapist. This ensures the process is safe, supported, and fully integrated. Revisiting pain can either reactivate your trauma or rewire your brain, depending on how you meet it; it’s important to go to these vulnerable places with a skilled professional, who can guide you towards healing. To learn more about when it’s appropriate to explore IFS on your own versus when it makes sense to seek support, and for some IFS specific resources, see: Self-Directed IFS vs. Working with a Therapist in Rochester, NH.

The Story Behind Find Compassion Within

When I began my practice, I searched for a way to describe the essence of this work in a few words; to choose a business name that would reflect the heart of what I do. Ultimately, I kept coming back to this: the healing power of the compassionate core that is already inside of you. My work is about helping you to find that compassion within, bring it to all aspects of who you are, and live from that place of centeredness. In the same way, I chose my logo to represent the very essence of IFS work.

At the center is a golden tree, symbolizing your whole internal system. Within the tree, two hands cradle a heart, representing Self-energy: your inner capacity for compassion, clarity, and calm. The leaves of the tree are tiny golden hearts, each representing a valued part of you, all in harmony and held by Self. Read more about my thought process when I chose it here: The Meaning Behind the Logo: A Visual Reflection of IFS Therapy in Rochester, NH.

The Journey Inward

IFS therapy is a journey. It’s a change in perspective. It’s a new way to relate to yourself. It’s a roadmap towards amazing, foundational healing; the kind of healing that makes you feel lighter, softer, and more free.

This deep, transformational healing does take time. Your system isn’t used to you connecting inward in this way, and protectors who have spent their lives on high alert are often wary of unblending at first. It takes persistence, and an unwavering belief in the power of compassionate curiosity, and in the real possibility of change.

Some sessions will feel powerful. Others might leave you feeling a bit drained, as you turn towards tender places inside. Each one is a step towards inner trust, deeper relationship, and hope. As protectors are shown respect, and have both their concerns and their positive intentions validated, they begin to believe that maybe, just maybe it is possible for you to help the wounded parts deep inside.

Whether you begin this journey on your own or with the support of a therapist, IFS invites you to relate to yourself in a new way. It invites softness towards the parts of you who work so hard. It invites the spaciousness inside to feel your feelings without overwhelm, and respond rather than react. It opens the possibility of moving through the world grounded in compassion, trust, and inner wisdom.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not a Problem to Solve

You are human: beautifully complex, full of stories and strategies that were there for darn good reasons. IFS therapy doesn’t try to erase those parts of you. We can stop telling parts of us to go away, or just leave us alone. Instead, we help those parts feel safe, and feel the profound shift that can happen when they feel fully, truly seen. Whether you’re just curious or ready to go deeper, IFS therapy offers a kind, clear path inward. Your parts are waiting. Are you ready to meet them?

Melanie Green, LMFT

Melanie is an IFS therapist who helps high functioning adults heal from the impact of childhood trauma and reconnect with their inner sense of calm and self leadership. Her work blends depth, warmth, and curiosity to support clients in developing compassionate relationships with all parts of themselves.

Specialties include IFS therapy, childhood trauma healing, and helping people get unstuck. For more about Melanie and how she works, click here.

Thinking About IFS Therapy? A Gentle Guide to Getting Started with Internal Family Systems in Rochester, NH